wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
