Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
