OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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