Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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