she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
