he puts the penis in happiness.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
