How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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