I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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