sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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