I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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