My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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