I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
