Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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