I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
