I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
