What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
