I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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