Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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