You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
