I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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