That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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