how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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