Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
