there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
