We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
