their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
