So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
