haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dignity is for republicans.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My ass is underappreciated
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
