I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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