so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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