It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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