You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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