finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
