cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
