Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have fence marks all over my body
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
