guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
