1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
