Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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