I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
