I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
