Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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