I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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