um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
