God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
