I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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