i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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