I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
