thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
