i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
