I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
