Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
