once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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