will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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