Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
