i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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