Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we made out on top of his cat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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