Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My pussy is not your playground.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
