Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
