epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
