awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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