I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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