There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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