he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
