I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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