Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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