Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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