OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
