fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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