i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
