Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
