I bet he comes in French.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
