When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
