my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
