I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
