you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
