People in love make me want to vomit
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
